Why My Anne of Green Gables-Supportive Husband DESERVES to See The Revenant

My husband is a very flannel-y (un-hipster flannel-y), manly type of guy, a kind of modern day Grizzly Adams (and if you’re too young to know who that is, please, don’t tell me about it). In fact, he is giddy about the upcoming film “The Revenant,” starring Leonardo DiCaprio. It opens Christmas Day, but he’s already yammering on about it.

Now, don’t get too excited. This isn’t exactly a sequel to “The Titanic.”

 

Jack and Rose will not pledge their undying love, and Celine Dion will not be singing the theme song here.

Here’s the “log line,” or synopsis of the film:

“In 1823, fur trapper Hugh Glass (DiCaprio) is mauled by a bear while hunting in what will become the Dakota Territory. His companions rob him, kill his young half-Native American son, and leave him to die, but he survives and sets out on a 200 mile trek to get revenge on the men who betrayed him and find the man (Hardy) who killed his son.”

That doesn’t sound too bad, but when you add the fact that, for his role, Leonardo DiCaprio risked hypothermia, ate bison liver, and slept in an animal carcass during the shooting, it becomes apparent to me that this will be Dude Date Night and I will be at home watching “Pride and Prejudice” or “Project Runway.”

I actually embrace “The Revenant” because it’s a chance for me to tell my big, hairy butterfly to fly, flyyyy, fly so high he can touch the sky. In other words, this is a film he can plunge into with every fiber of his furry, flannel-clad being. And I can cheer him all the way to the bear mauling and Leo noshing on bison liver!

What does all of this have to do with Anne of Green Gables? (or “Little Women” or the Jane Austen films or anything starring Colin Firth in short pants?)

Well, I owe my husband, let’s put it that way. He deserves a night out once in a while to enjoy a guts-smeared film with horrific maulings and folks getting buried alive and…I just watched the trailer and now I am mouth breathing and will have nightmares TONIGHT.

I owe my husband because he has watched all eight legit hours of the AOGG film. And laughed.

 

 

He’s listened to books 1 and 5 on audio, on the way to PEI. And laughed. (Lucy Maud Montgomery is a very funny lady, that’s why! Doyle especially enjoys the crusty old birds such as Mrs. Rachel Lynde and Aunt Josephine.) He has visited Green Gables itself and admired the slate which Anne broke over Gilbert Blythe’s head.

He drew the line at listening to the soundtrack to “Anne and Gilbert,” because he felt that listening to bouncy show tunes about Gilbert Blythe was more than even he could bear. And I agreed, even though I think it is high time someone wrote a song about Our Gil.

So I am genuinely happy for Doyle and his pal Trapper Charlie, who will enjoy a magical night of cinema watching Oscar-Bait Leo turn into an animal himself.

I am pretty sure I could not handle about 85% of “The Revenant,” as the trailer nearly made me breathe into a paper bag.

I am also pretty sure Mr. Craker cannot handle about 85% of the song “Mr. Blythe” from the “Anne and Gilbert” soundtrack.

And that’s okay, because we all have our limits.

One of the keys to a happy, 24-year marriage is to appreciate when our mates go out of their comfort zones to make us happy and go to movies they would not be naturally inclined to see. I have watched “A River Runs Through It” several times (and loved it, so perhaps that doesn’t count), not to mention “The Last of the Mohicans”, several of the Coen Brothers films and his all-time favorite: “Jeremiah Johnson.” That is his go-to as AOGG is mine.

Another key to connubial delight is knowing when enough is enough. (He would have begun stabbing himself with a fork had he sat through “Mamma Mia,” for example, both the stage and film versions.)

 

So I’m happy for Doyle that “The Revenant” is coming to a theater near us soon.

If he gets the nutty idea in his bald head that we should go see this together?

I’ve got a line all ready to go:

“Over my dead human carcass.”

Or:

“When you wear man capris and sing along to “Mamma Mia” with me.”

And then we’ll laugh, together, because one of the keys to a happy 24-year marriage is knowing when the gig is up.

So, what movies have you and your man endured in the name of true love? And does anyone know what a Revenant is?